Self Care... and why it hasn't been working.

We are always told these days that we have to look after ourselves and not least our mental health. Social media is often full of sickly sweet, flowery themed illustrated posts about the positivity of about self-care. Self-care is romanticised into the perfect insta-image of bubble baths, spa days, pedicures and long walks in the country.

This puts self-care on a Pedestal, like it is this great feat to be achieved and a grand gesture of committing to yourself... it doesn't have to be.

This makes self-care difficult, and the excuses come flooding in- “I don’t have time for a pedicure” “I can’t afford a spa day” “I don’t live in the country”. And I think these excuses are perfectly reasonable, as these images of typical self-care are just not realistic. Now this is something you have probably heard before. But have we considered if these things would even be benefited, even if we all have the time, the money and the means?

Let’s first think about what self-care is about. I see it as a resetting and restoring so that we can return to our full self. Self-care addressed low level anxiety, low mood and burnout. It allows us to be more ourselves without being reactive to annoying little life things. And with being ourselves in mind, I see this as key to making self-care effective.

Do you even want a pedicure? What would a spa day give you? Yes, these things might be nice, and they might be enjoyable, but are they going to serve you? Ok, you might have answered yes, but for others it’s a no. We should be thinking about exactly what your mind, body and soul actually need.

So, what about your body? Maybe you do need to rest your body if you do a physical job or you have been on the go a lot. However, for lots of people who do a less physical job, we see the image of sitting with your feet up in the name of self-care, we copy this and wonder why you don’t feel less stressed. Well… maybe it’s because our body doesn’t need resting.

Maybe sitting still isn't serving as self care for you.

Maybe we need to move it instead? Or stretch? Or maybe it’s more in the mind, maybe we need to clear our mind! Meditating could be perfect. Or some people might need to use their mind in a different way. Perhaps someone who works with numbers needs to get creative by writing a short story or sketching.

Then we come to the soul. What will bring us genuine joy- hey, maybe it’s clearing out the spare room?!- now some of

these things may never ever cross your mind but the point is about thinking about what you need. Self-care needs to serve a specific purpose for you.

We also need to consider personality. An introvert is going to restore themselves is a completely different way to an extrovert. Think about coming to the end of a hard week… how does meeting a group of 10 friends in the pub sound? For the introverts in the world, they likely couldn’t think of anything they need less. However, for an extrovert this is just what is needed to restore themselves back to their fullest self.

So, why isn’t the self-care you’ve been replicating not working?

Well… you’re caring for you, the way you want and need to cared for. Self-care is yours, and needs to be personal.